Erased?

Do you linger on to the past because you haven't found a better now? Or is it simply because you don't want to forget the past? Aiya shit lah what's past is past! Forget about it ok! I hate myself when I can't pull myself together. Sometimes when you slump into a depression mode especially at that time of the month when your hormones go haywire, you tend to lament about the past, about the misfortunes, about the impossibilities, and the likes. Then your depression got worsened! WTF!

I always feel that I gotta put in double effort than other people to achieve the same results. I will always arrive at the same 'destination' slower than people. This is me - 比别人慢一拍! This is so frustrating. But everytime I try to straighten my thought that GOD is testing my perseverance. You are the selected one to go through the hard way because you have the might to do so, other people are too easily daunted and weak to go through the same path. I can actually 'self-cure'. Gradually, I develop an immunity. Major problems I choose to self-rely. But this is not healthy I suppose because some people told me it is ok to loosen up, to be weak, to rely, to depend, to trust, to take off the shield, to just lean on a shoulder..

Fortunately, I will always have a positive feeling that there is always a silver lining behind every dark cloud. This is because you gotta have faith that generates hope that ultimately things will turn to the gd side because GOD wouldn't forsake you. Just make out the best of your current situation :) This is the thinking I am having now until my next hormone imbalance strikes :p