what pisses me most is getting up at 430am in the morning to freaking pee! irritates the hell out of me BIG time!

im a female version of a guy friend who just broke off with his gf. i totally identify with him. anyway im being way 'exceptional' by blogging this. i hope if u r nt my dear friend, just to let u know, read and forget, thks. damn public blog.

as we hv been so very single for the longest time, it dawns on us that perhaps our hearts are just too tiny to love and accomodate another person or that there's no space left aft putting ourselves in there. well, ok, here goes. i freak out at the thought of exposing myself to another person (not as in naked, WL, why m i even thinking of this, anyway just in case). im doubting my ability to share a life with someone. when i was dating n hanging out with a guy, the initial stage is all exciting to me; learning abt him, chatting a different conversation, hanging out at different places, and impressing each other (we r ALL guilty of that, c'mon!) - extreme novelty, but as soon as skeleton's out of the closet and i know where all his aces are hidden, bam! im like that's enough for me. i can nv bring on to the next stage. i find myself very uncomfortable accounting to someone and seriously i dont even hv parents to account to since dinosaur time, how's that?? so what the??? im always abt myself. throw me a gd book, magazine, internet connections, i'll b gd.. and don't even hv to ask: im into lone sports - jogging, swimming, gyming. i get tired of thgs easily, i hate the stage of repetition, and i need new configurations and excitements constantly. i want to be spontaneous and abrupt! the only constants i enjoy are my lone activities. see the sign?

know what i hate the most? my friends-experts-in-love-wanabes coming up to me asking why im still single. seriously tell me, enlighten me, is there an answer to this qn at all, if any? that im too demanding? that im too idealistic?? or that im gay all along??? then started to give their two cents worth uninvitingly "i tell u there's no such thg as a perfect guy, just try maybe u will like him? maybe u will b impressed?" OR maybe i don't even hv to try to know that a black cat is black in colour??! sometimes no means no.

so if let's say i compromise to b with someone so that i wont b the soar thumb sticking out being the only single hanging around, and married the guy with the mentality "relationships are like that. sparks do not happen everyday. is all mundane. just accept him and move on as long as he loves u. develop the love over time. get married, have a baby. take a break, have a cookie." what will i be? i know myself, if i don't love the guy in the first place, i will b a bitch right there in the first place.

** im sleepy ** to be continued..