i seriously hv to pull myself together. remember the virus? it is now becoming a plague. it's like 10peoples' shit mixed together and u hv the worst smell ever!!! Worse, u can't just stop breathing n die. That's my feeling nw. Argh. u know i really hate myself when i'm seemingly n really affected by ppl's comments. i know i shouldn't but i m and i hate it..

hv u ever watched a clip million times and yet cry every single time? here it is, give it a shot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0P2VxijsBY

first saw this at oprah and it touched the hell out of me. pls watch it.

i'm cool. didn't really feel anythg. no major upheaval. then again, what can there be? afterall, it's like 1 full year since i had the intention to throw letter. hands-down victory! all hail, i did it today! **clap** i wana thank all my frens for showing me their support today. without them, it would not have been possible. the wishy washy me perhaps will drag by another mth by another mth by another mth. haha. then my poor frens will repeat the same advice over n over again. let's end all miseries today alritey. once and for all. damn it!! let me be the phoenix (not dragon; no plagiarism jas!) at hm rather than the cockroach in br!! wooohooo!

2.5yrs in 'damn bloody shit' was no easy, breezy life esp aft lehman. i cross-path with a dumber old man who's totally dispensable and like a virus in the air polluting and contaminating the entire environment. for the entire 5 mths, the air in br was stale and so was my mood! tough. i died and revived. after the virus came an unstable, strange, capricious, corporate slave who is so unpredictable and unreliable that i fear for my survival and life constantly. i was always not aware of the situation and was frequently caught by surprise, and not pleasant ones though. we are friendly but not trusting. she's harmless as a friend but not as a boss. alritey, enough of my petty judging. (just 'recording' down as im positive im so gonna forget them in time to come =P)

i've asked around. it takes perhaps 1 in every million people in singapore to get booked TWICE for jaywalking. there are abt 4.6 million people in singapore which means im one of the 'lucky' five. everyday there are abt 20 ppl being booked for jaywalking and it takes 230,000 days for every single person in singapore to get booked once. urs truly got booked twice within the last 2.5 yrs. how great is that?! Oh yah, I almost went topple down the staircase today in my office. fortunately, thank God very much, i hold onto the railings. even with that, there was a 'bing bom bom' that sent my CSO and her customer running out of her cubicle to check out what happened. just imagine, i had a free fall. ok, i dont wana imagine. anyway, you know what? seriously I came straight home after work today. you never know.

oh oh yes... before i had the fall. the second mishap. i reached raffles plc at the control station, a boy right in front of me had a faulty card, couldnt get pass and i, sickeningly, had noo freaking idea why i tapped my card so hurriedly and, you know what again??, the boy went thru. limpei stood there and limpei had to approach the staff to get pass.

glad to be hm.

damn it!! had to start the day badly haha. actually i was more of amused, I'm not joking. i'm like laughing in my stomach nw. too bad u guys can't see. i was seriously times a million and one times embarrassed just nw arghh!!!! i jaywalked and was caught right there! i feel like shooting myself and die right there. a gd representation of pasir ris ppl were like behind me!!!! worse - ppl whom i see every morning??! i bet to my last dollar, THEY WERE LAUGHING! coz if it were others, i would. what the hell is a traffic police doing there?!!!! ambushing me?? go catch those drunk-drivers, illegal parking whatever just don't sneak up to me like that!!!! why? why? why?????? i was just feeling weird, why didn't the rest follow me to cross the road coz we ALWAYS jaywalk there. i'm just a dumb ass. can't believe it.. really.. grrrrr.. why is it always me??

just a qn guys.. are there certain parts in singapore that are warmer than the rest? goodness gracious. I seriously seriously think so! im posted at bedok this whole week as the br is short-handed and there u go! this bedok is horrendously hot and humid. im like literally placed in an oven. everywhere I go, the sun follows me. hell. like a stalker!!! there really is a difference i bet. as soon as im back in raffles plc, the air is so different. at least the place is windy. the sun is all the same isn't it but I don't feel crazy sweating away or DIRTY. in bedok, i feel myself covered with dirt as soon as i stepped out of the br. damn it. grrrr....eee.....yucks...

honestly, just something i felt ever since I started doing SL. i think everyone (oh well, majority) will try his/her luck to take advantage of anybody if the situation allows, and by this i mean it includes friends as well. hw shld I begin? sadly, it is becoming like if a person helps u (gives u smthg), naturally, he/she EXPECTS something in return. it is not solely based on 'help' sake anymore. yes, i agree, it can become a win-win situation i.e. both of us get somethg out of it (no harm done) however the very thought that this person even asks for something in return irks me. so don't say 'help' anymore or 'recommend out of goodwill' blah blah, as this seems to me like more of a business deal alright. anyway, anyhow ppl really do jump ship faster than i cook instant porridge. period. somehow when someone more than a client did somethg not very positive and nice to me, one does not help but feel disgusted. i did what i shld do, i put in efforts which are obviously categorised into 'tangible' and 'intangible' which obviously to a mercenary like he/she will only see the former. C'mon!! don't ever discount me like that. It's so degrading and darn not cool at all. it's even sneaky.

right now, im even embarrassed by my personal feelings coz in every case, i should not assume. yes, im disappointed, at the same time, I'd better jolly well suck it up and move on. i know. I shouldn't think that i deserve certain treatment or certain attitude. ok, i just hv to learn. i bet i have contributed a fair bit in disappointing my friends and family too.

.. today is an extremely quiet n slow day in br. the only vibrancy is the stock mkt woohoo.. at dimbulah with jo nw... lazing in the afternoon sun..

Ooooooo.. simply love orchard rd in the morning!!!! without the buzzing crowd, it looks more appealing to me indeed. visualizing myself heading for a morning workout, after a relaxing shower, have a cuppa at starbucks, and read my straits times. when the lunch time crowd is 'released' off I go hm... cool, isn't it?? then i start working at hm, few hrs later I'll go for a tan n swim. Heh heh. Dream on! maybe after thurs, there's a glimpse of a teeny weeny chance :)

by the way, yest i was at ion and Damn the crowd, I was totally lost in a sea of people n more people. Scary. what's with this new shopping centre?? all the designer flagships can b found at taka too!

hi babies!!! im excited. utterly excited. check out what's happening on 17th Aug 2009, Monday, 11pm on StarWorld =)

today's treadmill session was amazing. i never know i can run non-stop like for an hour plus for 10km. i did it! it was simply unimaginable. you know coz im never gd in sports, i just like to run around, shout and laugh like some crazy girl back in sec playing captain's ball haha. when i took part in marathon back then, it was like half jogging, half strolling and gossiping. it was never competitive; it was COMPULSORY. even when i was in sch volleyball team, i was just there to make up the number haaa. then there was those annual inter-sch sports meet, my teacher asked me to join, "eh help lah, nobody already". wahahah coz we were close. basically, in terms of sports kinda thingy, I WAS JUST THERE, never won anythg, never posing a threat, never a challenge to competitors. you know - JUST THERE, PERIOD!

guess the only thing i won was those 'best handwriting competition, essay writing competition, model student thingy or honor roll..' those uncool awards seriously! haha. c'mon ppl don't share these moments over meetups, isn't it? those weren't even cool to speak of! haha. imagine telling ppl "oh, i was a triathlon. i compete during my uni days! everybody would be like 'OH WOW!'.." get what i mean?? oh yah or telling ppl 'oh i joined national calligraphy competition and won'. i seriously bet there will be an awkward silence!

i still rem back in sec, there was this nafa test and law trained with me for the 2.4km run. 2.4km leh jogged until i wana die that time and to think i was 15/16 years old???!!! now im freaking 28yrs old, i did a 10km run! how so ironic.

i think swimming helps alot! sort of expand the lungs theory??!! not sure..

anyway after a long run, i always feel DAMN DAMN tired. i took a cab hm just now... l...o...s...e....r! can i take mc tmr?

I'm testing if i can blog with my hp. yesterday I slept real early @ 1130pm, can u believe it?? my usuals is 2am. aft reading my bible, straight away i 'peng san' haha think god wants me to hv a gd night rest.

though i'm well-rested, today i seem to flare up easily like at the snap of my fingers. just this morning, i've already shouted at my colleague and snapped at 2 cx.. just feeling irritated and disgusted at everything like a spoilt brat.

hellyah! i needa commemorate this day, dog-ear this pg, whatever. 30th Jul woohooo, i got a warning letter for failing some my***** shopping thingy and i kid u not - it's a final warning issued by HR! i hv used up my last token, in my last lifeline now - super mario is so gonna get crushed by biting flowers, meanie mushrooms or fall into the pit, ANY MOMENT!

***SUCK IT UP!!!!***

it's rare that i will tear over a fiction. it's easy to sob over a sad or touching movie because you literally see and watch it but to tear over a written story requires much imagination and for an author capable of doing that to me is totally, incredibly amazing. im definitely a book person, i can 'eat' and 'drink' books all day long, no joke. if the story is intriguing, i can totally immerse myself and seriously be a part of the story. that's how serious im as a READER. haha.

i just completed 'my sister's keeper' by jodi picoult. i urge everyone to read it. it adds some humanity to our everyday cold and routine job (ok, for the majority). yes, it's a female writer hence she brings us through a roller-coaster ride of emotions. the writing style is also quite different as she uses a 'first-person' perspective, which is why readers might be confused at times which character they are reading. also, due to the very fact it's a 'first-person' writing style, readers tend to be more carried away. gd tactic i would say. anyway put them all together and shake it up, this is a nice read!

food for thought:
if one day ur son has a kidney failure, and the only way for him to survive is the kidney of ur younger son who is still a child, what would u do? would u make the decision for the younger son coz u think the only sane decision a parent could hv made is to save the sick child in all possible ways? would u 'place' the healthy child onto a grueling, life-threatening operating table in the hope of saving the other?

read on the story.. many a times, at the crucial moment, God makes the decision for us.