i enjoy service so much. the msg seems customised for me. isn't it amazing? almost quite immediately.

needa enjoy every single day not working - just 1 more week to go. did i mention time flies? need i?? knn. guess what i have been watching now? AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL and PROJECT RUNWAY. well, old habits die hard.. and why shld i even feel guilty abt it?? sometimes over-analytic is detrimental. self-condemnation is evil. ;P

i needn't go for training later, was still struggling over it, when my colleague called and said since im on block leave, im excused! gd lord.

i was just thinking perhaps the world is indeed a breeding ground for evil and i gather ppl (you and i included) are just insecure creatures that seriously need a saviour. whilst watching ANTM, i saw the girls go there for a dream - to be america's next top model. pure, simple intention. as times go by, when each and everyone starts to reveal their strengths and weaknesses, competition arises. along with it comes bitching and backstabbing. you know sometimes, those girls can be on friendly terms but when interviewed, they still criticise one another. just to prove a point across, 'im better'. then, suddenly when some girls broke down or sick, same girls will offer their concerns again. it doesn't help when the judges asked them in front of all who should b ousted from the competition and we start to see the girls shocked in disbelief when they were pointed out. some girls were really reluctant to pin-point but they have to abide by the rules of the game because they chose to be in that playing field. some seriously couldn't take the stress. then judges comment, the real modeling world is 10 times worse and that is going to be their environment constantly. then we start hearing comments 'i came for my dream not friendship'. true but harsh. delusion or reality? i guess the stakes are too great. you know the odds, don't you? - ANTM versus conscience (too heavy a word, maybe). tangible versus intangible. the choice is obvious.

im a complete idiot. totally.
im gg for a swim later to 'drown' my stupidity.
well, i forgot to place an advert. esp u know weekends only happen every 5 days later!

anyway...

i do not want to sound like a complete loser but hey! YouTube is my 'friend' my BFF in my current block leave! hw can anybody just watch YouTube all the time whenever she's at hm?! is ridiculous and somehow disgusting! don't u guys think so? so the next question that arises is - what the hell have i been watching??!! YES! you are right! the david letterman show! im even branching out to ellen and oprah! damn it! the clips are endless. im gg berserk. truth is i wana sound and seem profound like watching cnn, bloomberg, reuters and so on (be in the marketplace!) but here im watching tv personalities crack jokes (besides oprah). oh come on!

after so many rounds of YouTube watching, i somehow discover a fact abt people. yes, people in general. hw u guys ever thought why we all like movies, serials, tv programs and be totally addicted to them? this is because firstly, we are all lazy people and secondly we are living in our own world of fantasy.

look at it this way: when we watch tv, what do we do? well, we just cozy up and get comfortable..and... OPEN our big eyes and just watch. as we watch, you know 2hrs passed, 4hrs passed, 6hrs passed and hey, one day is gone! what did we achieve? those moments of indulgence and slipping into the world of make-believe. im not discouraging but somehow after some many hrs of watching, i just felt lousy. i don't know if it's just me but it's creepy. i will have this guilt in me. well, i mean i will think 'hey, i could have done this, i could have done that. 2 wks are really fast and here im watching clips'. i just feel disillusioned. i have articles and books to read, i have SL homework to do, i have some thinking to do blah blah. people are working hard all over the world trying to have a better life and here im - WATCHING CLIPS! before knowing, i will b back at work again and the damn stupid cycle repeats itself over and over again until im what? 50years old!! then i look back, thinking of my achievements, if any.. and all i can think about is - i was really good with tv programs??!! im getting uptight. what m i blabbing at? just because of a damn advert.

i guess i don't qualify into the '宅女' category, not for continuous, prolonged period of time at least. i need to be out in the sun even for a short while. you know, when u stay at hm, rot in your room or walking abt in house doing practically nthg but watch dvds, youtube and check mails, it just gets into me, sets me thinking 'God, is my life that unproductive?!!' i appreciate once in a while full day kinda 'rotting' but won't really embrace the thought of 14 more such days to go. even though i was only at hm full day once for the past few days, seriously it already creeps me! how the hell can anybody possibly be a housewife?! i just need to find somethg to do! i'm so gonna post adverts, go swimming, go gym, read a book by coffee joint, just b OUT AND ABOUT! damn it!

------

alright, personally, i feel yanzi's concert pales in comparison vis-a-vis the last one 2/3 years back. i would expect an emotional one (not as in sobbing that kinda emo alright) but rather shares with us her journey, thoughts and experiences during her 3 years of absence. is not somethg extra, merely a performance. from the theme of the concert, i can feel that she's a rather confused person. she thinks a lot but couldn't really comprehend herself or sort out her thoughts into a recognisable pattern. haha. cut it out.

一年一度的 clearing of block leave is here again ha ha! took 14 days leave to rot at hm and do my impt SL =) anyway seriously speaking, i wana say im totally, extremely, incredibly hooked to the Letterman Show! Goodness. I just watch and watch into the night. i find him TOTALLY funny, yes really funny, hilarious! im so gonna catch him later again!

so i went to watch a 'must see' movie - DUPLICITY. not due to the plot but simply due to julia roberts. she's my goddess since young (rem notting hill?) and i just cannot miss her in just abt any show. even though sometimes the story sucks - haha like DUPLICITY, but u know she's the saving grace, and so i just keep my mouth shut.

im so looking forward to stefanie tmr! ..when suddenly today i got an sms from somebody (a ger) (a ger who always seem to get free tix to anythg) (a ger who purposely sms u to tell her she just caught stefanie sun's live concert FREE)!! bloody hell, i spent 148 bucks on her! anyway sequel of the night will b a mini concert at kbox by some three gers who thought they can sing like stefanie sun haha.

i can't close my legs. i can't bend my knees. sucks! don't get it wrong - don't think waywardly! think i overstretch in gym. damn it!

had read this poem umpteen times before,
time and again, it never fails to touch me.

**the touch of the master's hand**

it was battered and scarred,
and the autioneer thought it
hardly worth his while
to waste his time on the old violin,
but he held it up with a smile.

"what am i to bid, gd people," he cried,
"who starts the bidding for me?
one dollar, one dollar, do i hear two?
two dollars, who makes it three?
three dollars once, three dollars twice, going for three."

but, no,
from the room far back a grey-haired man
came forward and pick up the bow.
then wiping the dust from the old violin
and tightening up the strings,
he played a melody, pure and sweet,
as sweet as the angel sings.

the music ceased and the autioneer
with a voice that was quiet low,
said, "what now am i bid for this old violin?"
as he held it aloft with its bow.
"one thousand, one thousand, do i hear two?
two thousand, who makes it three?
"three thousand once, three thousand twice,
going and gone," said he.

the audience cheered,
but some of them cried,
"we just don't understand.
what changed its worth?"
swift came the reply,
"The Touch of the Master's Hand."

and many a man with life out of tune,
all battered with bourbon and gin,
is autioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd
much like that old violin.
a mess of pottage, a glass of wine,
a game and he travels on.
he is going once, he is going twice,
he is going and almost gone.
but the Master comes,
and the foolish crowd never can quite understand,
the worth of a soul and the change that is wrought
By the Touch of the Master's Hand.

--- Myra Brooks Welch